I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
