just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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