Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
