found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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