Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
