gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
