I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
