Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
