The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
