You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My vagina is very pro this idea
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
