look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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