dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
