Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
