Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
