so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
