Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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