Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize