ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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