I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
