I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
