No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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