Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
