I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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