i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
