Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
