Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
