Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
