yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
