You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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