so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
