I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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