you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
