i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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