Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
