I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
