I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
