I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
