U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
