I'm laying in your front yard are you home
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
