when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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