I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Quick, to the slutcave!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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