Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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