i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
