My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
