i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
