i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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