just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
