we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
