Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
