I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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