If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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