idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
