What a fucking waste of an outfit
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
That accounts for only three of the penises
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize