im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
