so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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