I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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