I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
