Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
