Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
