my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize