spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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