i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
