is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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