I must be too annoying 4 u.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
