Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize