My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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