I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
