I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
