Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
