Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
