you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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