I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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