My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
