the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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