I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize