there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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