I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
