Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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