it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
